I Ain't Afraid of No Balder Knight.

Progress has been made.

The Balder Knight guarding the treasure? Killed the prick. Sure, he killed me once; but the second time I two-handed the jerk back to... Well, I'm not sure where. But he's fucking dead, is the point - and I got the shield that he was guarding. It's a damn sight prettier than my previous shield, I can tell you that, but how much better it is I'm not too sure of yet.



What's even more exciting, however, is this: I found my second bonfire! Pushing through the Parish led me to a curious building (Which I went to great lengths to spec out as much as possible from the outside before venturing in, a curious habit which I have never, ever done in a video game before) which from what I can see, contains three things: A Bonfire (hurrah!) Andre the Blacksmith (Hurrah!), and a fucking horrifiyng thing in the basement that fires lightning (Boo!).

I love Andre, don't get me wrong - he told me to take care of myself, which is pretty much the first genuinely nice thing anyone has said to me in pretty much the entire game and I swear it almost choked me up as a result - but why Andre chose to set up his blacksmithing business just up the stairs from whatever the shit that fucking monster thing is (An Aliens: Colonial Marines reference there, reference fans) is beyond me; all I know about the situation is that after finding the bonfire, having a humming competition with some bloke dressed as an onion, and upgrading my longsword I felt like Billy Big Boots, Biggest Boy in the Borough (A Quintin Smith reference for you there, reference fans), and that running into whatever that was made me turn tail, squeal and gallop away - opting to go up and back the way I came instead of down, toward the big imposing looking building instead. What could possibly go wrong?

Other than the big, black armoured chap with the mace, obviously. I was actually surprised at how easily I took him down - maybe I'm getting better at dodging or maybe he was just slow as fuck, but I danced around him like Naseem Hamed around an overturned bus, making him the first miniboss I've taken down first time around.

Then... Oh Man.

What happened next made me fucking dribble in delight.

I found a shortcut back to Firelink Shrine. Fuck me, I've never been so happy to see the place. Upon exiting the lift, fully expecting to arrive in some form of fresh hell (I actually expected to end up face to face with Johnny Lightning bolt, whom we met previously) and carefully creeping around the ruins that greeted me, when the game bonged and told me where I was I actually let out an audible noisesquirt of joy. I lapped up the warmth of the kindled bonfire; spending a little downtime with the ghostly avatars of other players, before charging back into the Parish and heading up the stairs. The Balder Knight at the top practically dented the walls as I fucking backhanded him away with a single double-handed combo - I was feeling good. I was soul-light, fucking Hollow anyway, and I had my newly upgraded sword - the next motherfucker was gonna get my metal (That's an Early Marilyn Manson reference there, reference fans).

So obviously, all the undead swordsman and whatever the fuck that was holding the candlestick that one-shotted me came as a surprise. It shouldn't have, because this is Dark Souls we're talking about here, but the game had actually been kind to me for the last couple of minutes so it did kind of feel like I'd had the rug pulled from under my feet a little encountering that twat - especially as I'd literally JUST got over my last enemy phobia.

Anyway. There's a lot of undead in that room, upstairs in the Undead Parish.

I don't know exactly how many, but I think I counted seven as the "You Died" screen faded away from me. Now, I am now strong enough to be able to take those guys down in a single hit, but I'm concerned that in a mob that big I'm just going to get swarmed and taken down by them. I haven't encountered that many enemies in one go before now, and I think the big candle-toting chap buffs them or something, because they seem to be glowing.

What I'm going to do about the big guy I don't yet know - if I can level the fight to one-on-one I reckon I can take him (I did inflict a fair amount of damage to him this time) - I just hope he can't summon more undead things.

And that's as far as I am at the moment. Quite what I'm going to do next I'm not sure, but I have a funny feeling that firebombs might help me at least get rid of those undead swordsmen - they're a great crowd control measure and I reckon taking more than one down with a single bomb is possible - and with them out of the way I can concentrate on fucking the other guy up big time.

So, where can I get firebombs from? Oh yeah, the fucking trader in Undead Burg. The place I was just so delighted to get away from.

Fucking AAAAARGH. Fucking Dark Souls.

(Oh, yeah: Why does my character occasionally glow with a sort of yellowy light? I can't spot any noticable effect, but it does make me feel better.)