Ding Dong, the Bastard Gargoyles Are Dead.

YES.

YES.

YES YES YES.

YES YES YES YES YES YES YES
— Chris Spann (@cs87) February 28, 2013

The Gargoyles are dead. And the Undead Parish bell is tolling.

I have rang the first bell. Achievement.
— Chris Spann (@cs87) February 28, 2013

God damn, does that feel good. To use the word "achievement" is to understate the pride I feel.

This evening's actually been pretty good all round, as it goes: As well as the small matter of the Bell Gargoyles going down, I also got a few other things done - namely visiting Andre to upgrade my longsword to +3, actually learning how weapon stats work, and remembering the lockon feature. That's real helpful, I've got to say.

I've also had my first taste of summoning phantoms: After upgrading my sword and playing around with armour sets, I realised that somewhere on my wild, panicked adventures through Undead Parish I'd managed to dredge some humanity from one of the multitude of meanies I'd slain.

Of course, I immediately used that humanity to reverse the Hollowing I've been dealing with for hours of play time, then immediately skipped back to the entrance to the Gargoyle fight. Why?

YES. Humanity. I might be able to summon wotsisname now.
— Chris Spann (@cs87) February 28, 2013

Because I'd heard you could summon Knight Solaire to aid you in your fight if you were human - and it turns out the hearsay was right. On attempt number six of the evening, the little charmer did a sterling job of taking the aggro off me for the majority of the fight, and whilst there were a few hairy moments when the game's camera seemed to be actively working against me, he bought me the extra manpower I needed to bring the fuckers down.

Here's the thing about the Gargoyles: If all they did was breathe fire, and they came one at a time, the fight would be easy. 

I almost prefer it when they breathe fire.
— Chris Spann (@cs87) February 28, 2013

While they're spitting flames at you, if you're close enough to them it's easy to sneak around them and give them a few strong attacks in the back before they can do anything about it - but when there's 

two of them, and one's breathing fire while the other one continues to slam his axe into the side of your noggin, it's very easy to get caught in a crossfire that will drain our healthbar like a bucket with no bottom.

In the end, the tactic I used was this: 

• Pretty much tape the shield button down, then allow Solaire to take the brunt of the damage. 
• Creep up round the back of the Gargoyle and jam my sword into it until it noticed me.
• Repeat until the second Gargoyle showed up.
• PANIC.
• Run away.
• PANIC.
• Spam Estus Flasks.
• Roll around like a dog with its head stuck in a bin, thrusting like crazy whenever possible, until one of the big lugs dies.
• Realise the other one's on quite low health.
• Hide from it, wait for it to breath fire, then strike.
• Watch it die.
• RECOIL IN ECSTACY.
• Receive hat.

If you want to use this strategy in your game, go ahead. I'm proof it works.

I climbed the tower immeasurably carefully after defeating the Gargoyles; it was a bloody long way up, and falling to my death was NOT something I wanted to happen - especially as I didn't have an concrete proof that they wouldn't respawn and be waiting for me again if I did such a silly thing.

Then, I reached the bell, and rang it.

Fuck me senseless if that isn't one of the greatest feelings of achievement in any video game. That bell is more than your first milestone in Dark Souls: It's a bell that says "Fuck you world. I've completed a tiny percentage of this horrible bloody game, but that already puts me ten squillion steps ahead in terms of ambition and achievement compared to all you Call of Duty fuckers. LET THE FUCKING BELL RING. RING LONG, RING PROUD. BONG. BONG. BONG. I AM A FUCKING GOD OF GAMES. MAYBE NOT OF DARK SOULS YET; BUT I AM ONE OF THE ELITE WHEN IT COMES TO ALL OTHER GAMES."

Then I nearly fell off the tower, like the clumsy oaf Dark Souls felt it needed to remind me that I am.

Then Oswald of Carim made me squeal like the little bitch Dark Souls felt it needed to remind me that I am. That dude is fucking terrifying, man.

Than I ran back to Firelink Shrine like a sissy wise, sensible adventurer and levelled right the fuck up. 

Level 22.

And a Gargoyle Hat.

Which fucking way to Blight Town eh?

Well, I don't technically know the answer to that yet. But I've got an idea. And in Dark Souls, that's worth a lot.